Family trouble

Not a great deal going on right now in terms of preparation so posts are not going to be frequent.

However, one thing is on our minds; well mine at least and that is Family.

This is not intended to be a massive family occasion we just don’t have the money for that and we’d like it to be mostly our close friends.  Two family members are required/invited right now; my daughter and S’s Mum.

I heard from my daughter this week though (as she had easter with my brother and sister’s families) that they are all excited to go and looking forward to the invite and details so they can make arrangements.

This came as somewhat of a shock and now a concern.  We know that although S has a similar sized family that none of them have any interest in spending several hundred dollars on flying to Hawaii and staying there whilst we get married.   I haven’t said anything that suggests that everyone is invited on my side either.

Our concerns are that;

  • My family are expecting a big American style wedding including reception.
  • We will have to pay for additional food etc to accommodate them.
  • Suddenly the wedding is heavily unbalanced with 12 adults on my side and 3 on S’s side.

Not sure how to handle this.  I don’t want to upset my family telling them they can’t come (I have history on this and my sister didn’t get invited to my first marriage which did upset her).  Equally we want this small and as inexpensive as it can be without my family dominating.  Obviously I would be happy to see my family and enjoy some time with them in a lovely place but I have to put that in context with the event as we have envisioned it.

I haven’t spoken to them, only to my daughter so at this point it is their own expectations. I am seeing them in July so am hoping to deal with it in person when I am there.

All I can think of right now is to explain that it’s; not a big wedding.  There won’t be a reception (in the traditional sense). S’s family are not going. If they turn up, then not to expect much, they likely won’t be part of the wedding itself* and they will have to fend for themselves and contribute to the event.

*Although being as it will be a public beach there’s nothing to stop them.

It’s my turn to choose

As I said previously most of all this is about the bride but there is one area I want control; and that is the Groom and Best man’s outfit.  Is that unreasonable?

We have agreed that as the wedding is (hopefully) on a beach in Hawaii that myself and the best man will wear matching hawaiian shirts.  Now I don’t know what it’s like here, but in England the Groom, Best man and the rest of the wedding party on the male side, at traditional weddings usually wear identical outfits; often hired from the same store.

At the end of last week S started showing me shirts for me to consider, none of them match my thoughts and she’d also suggesting we have contrasting outfits.  I think I am going to try to stand my ground here and hold onto control.  As long as I don’t go too wild in colour it should be up to us as far as I am concerned.

This could be the first issue we have to argue through.

It all kicks off

Just starting this journey into my second marriage and this time doing it in the USA. Things have changed since I first got married and perhaps the change in country adds to that too.

It all strange, exciting and worrying at the same time.  I need to support my fiancé as really it’s all about her but as the groom I have a reasonably major role to play and as such I have my own thoughts and concerns and wishes which need to be taken into account. Continue reading “It all kicks off”